Sky
by Shinjo
Summary: Heero has slipped and Duo ponders.... (non-yaoi) Strange, in my little profile thing I say I write only yaoi and usually 3x4, yet the first fic I post is neither of these.... I'm not lying, I swear! I'll make you yaoi peoples happy soon, have patience


Disclaimer: Yadda yadda, I don't own Gundam Wing in any way, shape, form, etc. Its characters are not mine (*sniffle*) and neither is anything else from it.   
  
Warnings: Angst, real-life venting, naiveness on behalf of the author  
  
Pre-fic introduction: This is...well...whether it's yaoi or just friendly-like is up to the reader, I suppose. As this is based on events and some feelings from real life, I would feel strange identifying this as yaoi due to the situation. But, it's up for interpretation ^_^ Anyway, told by Duo's point of view about Heero. And...uh...just a side note: right now, my former best friend is trying drugs. This may sound like one of those anti-drug "this will ruin your life" type of ads, but...well...this is my ventilation system for how I feel about my friend. She's the first one I've had use drugs, and it's just sort of...I dunno...scary, I guess. In all my years of living, I just...never really thought about it much. Okay, I'll get off of the Naive Express and let you read the fic...if you want to. It's kind of angsty (if you didn't already know ;-)  
  
  
Sky  
a fic by the Fish...based on real life  
  
  
I heard about you awhile ago. I haven't seen you for a long time, I know.... I was glad when Wufei mentioned your name. Well, I thought I would be glad at the time, anyway. But then he told me all the things that were being rumored. He said you had made friends with some questionable people. You were drinking, smoking what you could find on occasion, getting buzzes and highs every weekend. I suppose it shouldn't have shocked me that suspicions were sliding around about you. Apparently those aren't uncommon things to do, and it was obvious you'd had some hard times. After the war ended, and after the whole Mariemaya incident was over, you seemed a little upset and worn out. But I brushed off the words that were said after a few minutes. The usual smile that had faded from my face returned. They couldn't be true, could they? I knew you could do better. You were stronger than that.  
  
...At least I thought you were....  
  
And then I finally saw you today. I was happy when I heard you were going to be at the party. We'd argued a lot a few months ago, and I figured you probably wouldn't want to come. We hadn't seen each other since our final quarrel. Yet here you would be, at last. I waited impatiently for your entrance. ...When you walked into the room, my whole insides jumped. I could tell you were thinner, or maybe that was just how you carried yourself. There was something different about you, anyway. Although that might have just been me, fearing that Wufei's tales were truth.  
  
Quatre asked you about it. "Have you really been doing that?" he questioned. That surprised me. Apparently Wufei had told him the rumors, too. Trowa leaned in, his interest evident, but not showing in his face. I felt my stomach contract. Your face...your thoughts...I could see them. And then I knew. There was truth behind the rumors.  
  
So, here I am, lying on my back in the middle of the floor, staring up at the ceiling. I can't stop thinking about it. I shouldn't even worry, should I? We spoke to each other today for the first time in three months. We hardly consider ourselves acquaintances, even. And sometimes friendships just don't work out. You'll always lose some along the way. ...But I've never lost one like this, before. I don't like it. I don't like it happening to you.   
  
Perhaps a walk will help...I'll go outside.   
  
The sky.... It's such a dark, night blue. It's Heero blue. I remember how much fun we used to have under the night sky. We'd roam around by the parks and watch the moon. It made us both content. I even made you laugh, sometimes. I loved to make you laugh. It was easy to make anyone else laugh at me - but with you it was different. The few times I heard your laugh, I knew it was priceless. I get lonely without it, sometimes.  
  
What was I thinking? Why did I have to be so stupid to involve myself in a bout with you that had no meaning? I didn't accept that you cared, although I know you did. Do you still? ...I do. I can't help myself. I still love you. I won't stop.  
  
I think the others believe me to be crazy. Trowa and Wufei just wish I would make up my mind - whether to love you or to hate you. I get so confused, sometimes. But right now, I know I don't hate you. I don't think I can hate you. I can only hate myself. Have I failed you? I wish I could fix everything I've done that hurt you. I wish I could give you whatever you needed. ...I wish I knew what you needed. I wish you needed me.  
  
  
~*~ (flashback)  
  
  
"Have you really been doing that?"  
  
"...."  
  
"Heero..." Wufei urged sternly.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"...Because."  
  
"That's not a good reason."  
  
"...Because I...just did."  
  
"I wouldn't think you'd do that just because," Quatre joined in.  
  
Heero was a little nervous, I could tell, even though he didn't show it. Two against one....  
  
"Quatre's right, you know. I didn't think you'd do something like - " Trowa started.  
  
"I just did, okay?" Heero interrupted. I felt him side-glance at me. And then he stood and left.  
  
"...Hn," was Wufei's only comment.  
  
  
~*~ (end flashback)  
  
  
And I...I just sat there like an ass. I didn't say a word, for once. Perhaps I was afraid. Afraid that now I could not deny it anymore. My friend was in trouble, and I could do nothing to stop any of it.   
  
Recently I've heard some people say, "Well, it's not that bad" or "It's kinda fun, really" or "Some people just want to try it." ...If it's not that bad, why is there fear in your heart? If it's kinda fun, why is there nothing in your eyes? If you just want to try it...why?  
  
I can't help feeling like I'm part of it. Was I your last hope? Did I fail you? I'm sure I did, somehow. I failed you as a friend. I failed you as someone who cared. I can't help you, now. I'll just fail again.  



End file.
